I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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