Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
