So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
