I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
