meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
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