I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
