My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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