My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize