I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
