apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
