talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
