ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
