When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
