could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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