im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
