she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
as a side note pls kill me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
