We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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