there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize