I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just had sex on a roof
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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