Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
