we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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