Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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