I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
