my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
