So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
