Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
