Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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