A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
