You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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