apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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