Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
