You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
