And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
