i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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