i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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