If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
