Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.