Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back