the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.