yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
