Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
