I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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