similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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