If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
