That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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