This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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