the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
