I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
