Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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