Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
