i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
