A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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