Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
