Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
