I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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