I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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