ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
