She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
