i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
