THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
