How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
