Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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