I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
