Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
