I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
