Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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