can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
