I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
