brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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