my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
