omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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