in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
